


Reliance

by coffee_o



Category: BanG Dream! (Anime), BanG Dream! Girl's Band Party! (Video Game)
Genre: Angst and Hurt/Comfort, CHiSPA is mentioned, Friendship, Gen, a little fluff at the end, character study sort of, group hug, saaya centric popipa fic, saaya's background is mentioned in some details here
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-05-18
Updated: 2018-05-18
Packaged: 2019-05-06 20:20:29
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,960
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14655456
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/coffee_o/pseuds/coffee_o
Summary: Old habits die hard.God knows Saaya tries, yet she worries.





	Reliance

**Author's Note:**

> Hello angst incoming + spoilers about Saaya's background and family situation. This is a friendship/gen fic + another take/spin-off kind of thing from each of PoPiPa’s perspectives (kinda) I guess. This is mostly self-indulgent bc I’ve been in the Mood™ these few days

 

_"Our heartbeats are connected_

_Grasp my hand just one more time_

_Believe in the dreams of our beating hearts"_  

* * *

 

_Arisa_

.

.

.

 

There are many things Arisa notices about Saaya.

 

The brown-haired girl is a filial girl, someone who often puts herself before others, and extremely kind, almost to a fault. She’s also someone who has a way with words that allows her to make friends with ease, outgoing and friendly.

 

All of which Arisa isn’t.

 

So it surprises her more than a little when she hears the usually affable girl’s voice echoing loudly from upstairs, followed by a similar yell from Kasumi.

 

She hears it loud and clear- _how could she not,_ when sound travels so easily in this small bakery. The raw emotions that are packed in their yelling match, the quivering words that escape from Saaya’s lips, the trembles and desperation in Kasumi’s tear-filled voice - it hits her harder than she thinks it would have.

 

They shouldn’t be arguing.

 

It feels... _off_ to hear the two most easy going people she knows yell at each other.

 

She is worried, and concerned. And the sense of unease in her makes her insides twist. 

 

She does not yet know Saaya as well as she knows Kasumi, Tae, and Rimi. Yet, if she’s able to be a little selfish - she wants to consider the brunette as her friend.

 

It is also then that Arisa realizes just how little she knows about Saaya.

 

The girl who was always smiling along with them, tagging along Kasumi’s goofy and eccentric ideas. The girl who was willing to chip in ideas for their band, even going as far as to help Kasumi out with the lyrics for their song, even though she isn’t in the band.

 

No one knew that she was in a band in middle school. So the fact that Natsuki- Saaya’s old bandmate (and Arisa’s classmate) mentioned it caught them by surprise.

 

Arisa feels like there are sides to Yamabuki Saaya that she doesn't know and hasn’t seen.

 

The side of her that shoulders all the burdens by herself, the fact that she’s just too _kind_ and thinks about others more than she does herself - it causes Arisa’s chest to tighten.

 

It’s a strange, foreign feeling - one that makes her slightly uncomfortable. Was it because this is the first time she has friends? Was this how it feels like when her friends get into arguments and when one of them is shouldering a heavy burden on their shoulders?

 

She sneaks a look at Tae and Rimi, and isn’t surprised to see the strained way Tae’s eyebrows have furrowed, and the way Rimi often looks at the stairs with utmost concern, holding herself back from running up to stop their argument.

 

The argument between Saaya and Kasumi is finally put to a halt when Saaya’s younger sister, Sana, abruptly runs up the stairs, bursts into the room and starts bawling her eyes out. Kasumi is quick on her feet, immediately reassuring the child that they aren't quarreling and they are only pretending.

 

Arisa feels her heart soften. Kasumi is still Kasumi after all.

 

Saaya and Kasumi finally come down, in silence. They look surprised to see them, and Saaya shifts her gaze away, unsure of herself. The tension between them was almost palpable and both of them seem lost for words.

 

“We could hear you from downstairs you know,” Arisa finds herself saying, breaking the taut silence.

 

There are many things she wants to say- but she doesn't. For one, she was never eloquent with words and while she loathes to admit it, she isn't great with speaking honestly about her feelings either.

 

But one thing she does know is that she wants Saaya to be part of Poppin’ Party.

 

* * *

_Rimi_

.

.

.

“Um...Saaya-chan...I made this for you!” Rimi blurts out, half shoving a warm paper bag towards the other girl.

 

“Eh..?”

 

“Chocolate cornet! They're delicious! I...made some, so um...I’d be happy if you’d accept it…”

 

Saaya blinks before a weary smile crosses her features. Her gaze softens as well- the dark-haired bassist looks a little nervous, yet Saaya knows that this is Rimi’s way of trying to cheer her up.

 

There's this gnawing sense of guilt that squeezes against her heart as she accepts the bag, and she fights the urge to run away.

 

It's easy to tell that Rimi is worried about her. And she knows that the rest of PoPiPa is too, because that's just how close they are, and it’s getting harder to hide her feelings from them.

 

When they found out that her mother had been hospitalized again, they were quick to reassure her that her family takes precedence and not to worry about the band.

 

_Just like the time in CHiSPA._

 

Saaya dislikes having to be a burden to anyone, and the fact that her friends have to accommodate her bothers her, and she feels bad for making them worry too.

 

She bites her lip as she catches herself with such thoughts. She thought she was over these when Kasumi invited her to join the band- that she should rely on her friends more and stop shouldering everything upon herself.

 

But old habits die hard.

 

As if in understanding, Rimi’s gaze softens. There's this familiar sense of gentleness and kindness hidden behind them that makes Saaya’s throat constrict further.

 

“Saaya-chan...it's alright.” Rimi gives her a small reassuring smile.  “Saaya-chan is always so kind and an important member of PoPiPa. If there's anything I can do to help you, even if a little…” Rimi trails off, shifting slightly in self-consciousness before she stares into Saaya’s eyes, determined and unwavering.

 

“Don't ever hesitate to talk to me, or the rest.”

 

Rimi’s words strike a chord in her and Saaya feels her throat tighten further as she nods, clutching the paper bag closer against her.

 

“Thank you, Rimi-rin.”

 

* * *

_Tae_

.

.

.

“Saaya?”

 

“O-Tae…?” Saaya almost does a double take when she sees a familiar figure enter the bakery. It isn't often that Tae comes to the bakery. If anyone in PoPiPa comes, it usually is Rimi who often drops by for the chocolate cornets.

 

“Your hand.” That’s the next thing Tae says as she stares expectantly at the brunette tending to the counter.

 

“...My hand…?” Saaya echoes, confused.

 

“Yup.” Tae looks pointedly at Saaya’s hand. “Give me your hand.”

 

“Um…” Saaya looks skeptical but obliges anyway, extending a hand out, “...Like this?”

 

What she does not expect is to feel a slight warm pressure on her hand.

 

“O...Tae…?”

 

Tae only squeezes Saaya’s hand firmly.

 

“By holding our hands like this, I’m sure we’re able to convey our feelings.”

 

Before Saaya is able to question Tae any further, the raven-haired girl offers a warm smile. “We’ll be waiting for you, Saaya.”

 

The raven-haired girl leaves before Saaya is able to say anything, leaving the brunette at loss for words.

 

_What did O-Tae mean-_

 

_Oh._

 

Saaya feels her eyes widened as understanding finally sinks in.

 

She stares at her hand, the lingering warmth left by Tae causes a newfound emotion to stir at the pit of her stomach and she blinks back the tears that start to brim in her eyes.

 

_Thank you, O-Tae._

 

* * *

_Kasumi_

.

.

.

 

“Saaya.”

 

There's a rare sense of gentleness and weariness that lingers in the tone of Kasumi’s voice and Saaya immediately stops what she is doing.

 

“...Kasumi.” Saaya finally turns around, the subtle pained expression in the other girl’s features feels like a sharp stab in her chest.

 

“Saaya,” Kasumi says again, and Saaya swallows the tight feeling stuck in her throat. She places the kitchen knife on the chopping board and reluctantly turns her attention to Kasumi.

 

“Everyone is worried about you.”

 

Saaya knows that of course.

 

Even Arisa, who isn’t usually forward with her feelings, had come up to her and offered some encouragement.

 

She knows that everyone in PoPiPa is trying their best for her, and as convoluted as it sounds, the fact that everyone’s doing so much for her makes her happy, yet it almost makes her feel even worse.

 

“Stop pushing yourself so hard…” Kasumi starts again, and Saaya’s heart broke when she hears the slight crack in the usually cheerful and optimistic girl.

 

“I...can’t.” Saaya admits as she closes her eyes. The sounds of her siblings’ cries echo in her mind and the image of her mother falling and slumping down into unconsciousness haunts her. She grits her teeth as yet another wave of familiar emotions crashes against her.

 

_Fear. Worry. Self-blame._

 

The same whirlwind of emotions she had felt back then as she rushed back home when _CHiSPA_ was about to perform.

 

Her mother had collapsed a few days before, after she arrived home from band practice. She’s now hospitalized and hasn’t woken up since that day. As much as Saaya would like to stay in the hospital, to stay by her mother’s side, she has to help out with the bakery and household chores, and to make sure her younger siblings are fine.

 

These days, it’s hard for her to stay focused. Thoughts about her mother, about how her siblings are coping- sometimes it’s too much for her, too _overwhelming_ to think about. Doing something to distract herself, to keep herself busy is how she tries to cope.

 

Being a responsible sister comes first.

 

“Let us help.” Kasumi insists, grasping Saaya’s hands. “Don’t push yourself so hard. Saaya, you aren’t alone.”

 

Saaya wants to say no. She wants to yell and cry, to say that _no_ , she doesn’t need help- that she doesn’t want to bother anyone. That this is her problem and responsibility. But she catches herself before she blurts out anything that she knows she will regret later.

 

She knows she should try to rely on others, to stop handling everything herself.

 

Kasumi is right. She isn’t alone anymore.

 

Everyone in PoPipa - Kasumi, Arisa, Tae, and Rimi...they are all there for her.

 

But saying it is easier than doing it.

 

Saaya has to take the first step. To _believe,_  to learn to rely on her friends, to not push them away.

 

Taking a shaky breath, Saaya finally nods.

 

Kasumi’s face immediately brightens, the frown ceases, and radiant joy takes reign as she grins at the drummer before her.

 

“Hey, we’re here too you know,” a familiar voice calls from behind.

 

Kasumi doesn’t look surprised to see the rest of PoPiPa standing by the entrance, or to hear Arisa calling out to them. Instead, she releases Saaya’s hands and immediately jumps to tackle Arisa into a hug.

 

“Arisa~ I knew you’d come! Arisa’s worried about Saaya after all~”

 

“It-It’s not like-” Arisa flushes slightly, “-Hey, get off _me_ \- Kasumi-”

 

Saaya feels her world brighten up slightly at the familiar sight before her as giggles bubble up from within her. The fact that everyone came makes her feel warm and fuzzy inside, and she chuckles at Arisa’s and Kasumi’s usual antics.

 

“Saaya laughed,” Tae points out, as she too starts to smile.

 

“Saaya-chan!” Rimi calls out to the brunette.

 

Saaya doesn’t know what the future holds. She’s deathly afraid of what’s going to happen and has no idea if her mother’s going to be fine. She does not delude herself into thinking that so long as everyone’s there for her, everything will turn out fine.

 

Life doesn’t work that way.

 

But knowing that everyone cares for her, and being able to rely on their support is enough for Saaya.

 

She takes a step forward, and instantly gets pulled into a group hug.

 

She relishes in the warmth of their closeness as they huddle together, and the slight trembles finally stop.

 

“Everyone...thank you.” Her voice is soft, yet filled with utmost gratitude for her friends.

 

_Thank you._

**Author's Note:**

> Tae’s perspective with the hand thing is something I’ve been thinking about quite a lot recently after reading PoPiPa’s ch2 stories on JP. I’ve noticed that PoPiPa has this “holding hands” motif/thing going on to show their connection with one another and (without giving any spoilers) thought it was pretty interesting. Ofc, there’s a reason why I chose Tae but that’d spoil the new chapters so I’ll just keep quiet about it for now :)
> 
> Edit: Also just wanted to add that I love Saaya so much?? She's so precious and I just want her to be happy,,, And I forgot to add that this is also an early birthday tribute to her!! \o/ Feel free to hmu (@polarbearsign on tumblr) to talk, cri or yell abt saaya/popipa/lisayuki or bandori in general!


End file.
